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Whether you are working with the offended co-parent, the narcissistic co-parent, or the couple, in your treatment room, there will be unparalleled challenges. The use of schema therapy, an integrated, science-based approach, offers a robust conceptual framework for navigating the many pitfalls that we inevitably face when dealing with the important issues of co-parenting and the rigidly entrenched traits and coping patterns of the narcissist, and when assisting offended partners in reclaiming a voice for healthy assertiveness. We, too, will need to enlist a sturdy spine, a mindfully empathic stance, and a formidable toolkit of strategies to successfully mount this Everest of provocation and confrontation.

Co-parenting with a narcissist requires a sturdy sense of self, whether living together or in separate homes. Co-parents will need to avoid spending precious energy enduring temper tantrums, argumentativeness, boundary-breaking violations, and gaslighting. They will need to learn to speak clearly and firmly, enforce boundaries, and set limits. They will need to cultivate and care for the healthiest self to undertake the exhausting “repair work” that ensures their children’s self-esteem, prepares them for a satisfying interpersonal life, fosters a secure attachment to the world, and buoys their confidence as they develop autonomy.

While there are some differences between co-parenting with the narcissist together in one home and co-parenting from separate homes, in both cases, the offended co-parents will report concerns in the treatment room.

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